Entitlement

Sunday, October 20

I fear that my writing today may seem preachy.  I beg of you reading this to remember that this blog is primarily a journal to help me remember the events and my feelings during my stay in Malawi.  This is not a letter written to communicate to anyone in particular or corporately.

I was able to get good rest last night.  This morning I awoke late, meaning 6:30 and things were still quiet.  I had a a short Bible study and then got ready for church. I decided to attend the local church here for my last Sunday.  I could not remember if it started at 7 or 7:30, so I headed out at 7:15. Lateness here is not an issues.

I enjoyed the walk to church, slow and quiet.  I have been surprised by my need for quiet and alone.  Living in a communal environment and working in open wards means that I have very few moments of privacy.  I have my own bedroom, but the walls are thin and coughs, conversations, and other noises are shared 24/7. So, the walk was welcome.  The air was still cool with the morning. I have found it hot in the day but actually the weather has been cool compared to regular for this time of year.  In November, temperatures often reach the 110’s.

Church attendance was sparse on my arrival but almost 300 were present by the conclusion, again, Malawian time schedule. I also wonder if this is because you sit on a wooden board and the service lasts over 2 hours. There is some tenacity involved.  The singing was a blessing to my soul. The boy in front of me seeing my tears started making silly faces in an effort to cheer me up.  It is hard to explain happy tears to boys of any culture.

So many thoughts came to me during the service.  First, I relish the attitude with which the Malawians attend church.  Unlike, most Americans I witness on Sunday mornings, the Malawians are not begrudgingly attending like it is a “to-do” list item. They are not distracted with other things or looking for things to critique.  No one is proof reading the bulletin or making a face when the music style is not agreeable. Instead, people are smiling, are leaning forward to listen, are singing with full force. They are here to worship, to praise, to support each other, to learn, to hold each other accountable (like with public offering).  You know-to be the church!

Also, the expectations and prayers are so foreign to home.  They acknowledge the many who died yesterday, last week, and last month and offer praise to God for His mercies in that they are still alive today.  Not pious speech, truly sincere appreciation. So different from our entitled view that we are owed life, success, wealth, and happiness. Here, nothing is expected, anything good is truly a gift from God.

Then the pastor spoke of some history in this region.  He talked about the mission settlement that had built a small church here.  Nkhoma then became known as a place with a strong presence of God. The church members decided then to glorify God by building a beautiful church.  I thought of building projects back in the states, fundraising, etc. Everyone focused on the discussion of “sacrifice”. Very different here. The church members had no money.  Factories miles away were set up to make the bricks and the mud ceiling tiles. They felt like a thatch roof was not magnificent enough. The individual members would hike far away and carry these tiles home (new roof is now metal).  Men and women would walk over the mountain barefoot, pile bricks on their head, and then do the arduous journey home. All to glorify God-no other reason. No talk of inconvenience, pain, suffering, sacrifice. All of it an honor to be in service to a worthy God.  Oh, how beautiful to see and hear.

I am blessed.  I am dirty, and gritty, and smell bad.  And I am profoundly touched and blessed and changed!

The walk home was fantastic as well. People that I know to greet along the way. The purple flowers have faded but now trees of pink and yellow flowers have started. I am a little perplexed at the numbers of trees here that bloom but have not a leaf. My plant physiology class in college taught me that was impossible. Lots of things here seem to defy my basic assumptions.

This afternoon, we have all just enjoyed some reading time on the porch. I even feel tempted by a nap but I want to be able to rest well tonight so I will resist. The kids are all running and playing. One thing I haven’t recorded is how the children address adults. The kids do not call adults Mr. or Mrs. _____ or even a first name. They address you in reference to their friends or your job. Like, Melissa is ”mother of Brenda and Brandina”. So, sometimes I am Dr. Alyson and sometimes I am “friend of mother of Brenda and Brandina”. I think it may be the longest title I have ever owned.

I also used the afternoon to go through all my belongings and hand them off. After being here, the thought of bringing any supplies, clothing, or shoes home just seems ridiculous. The need here is so great and it is so hard to buy anything. Stores here are all second hand items. Large shipments from second hand stores arrive and clothes are wrapped in plastic. Store owners bid on the large bundles site unseen and then put them in their shops. So when you are purchasing underwear, you know they are previously worn but not by whom. Nevertheless, all my items though I am ready to discard them are highly desirable. I was able to hand off medications and supplies to Melissa and Nicole. Nicole freezes in the winter time and leaving her with my cuddl duds and fuzzy socks makes my heart happy.

My shoes and clothes were taken by Nicole to hand out to her workers and families that she helps. Often someone is admitted to the hospital, but the family members have no clothes or anything with them. These things can help with that. For all of you that sent supplies with me, please know that they have been used and appreciated. It has been so fun to see little ones around the village wearing little hats and clothes I know came from friends back home.

I am down to one bag to come home, having traded out American treasures for African ones. Likewise, I am hopeful that some of my entitled attitudes have been exchanged for those of gratitude.